Vertigo (2)

Week 2:  June 7-13

WEDNESDAY:

Wednesday was Crazy Hair Day. I didn’t do anything too wild, but a couple of my girls stuck sticks or other foreign objects in their hair. Since we failed miserably at cabin cleanup the day before, we made all kinds of decorations for the cabin, including a welcome sign on the front door, verses posted on the walls, and some Famous Amos cookies for the cabin cleanup checkup crew. I gave my 3-5 minute condensed testimony in chapel that morning, which went pretty well. I included a verse that has been significant to me over the last several days:

“…we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” Romans 5:3-5

I read it Monday night, and it encouraged me every time I felt like I just wanted to give up – which was just about every night as I sat in chapel with loud music and rowdy girls. If this kind of work doesn’t blow some suffering, perseverance, character, and certainly hope right into ya… Then something is wrong. And God was faithful to answer every desperate prayer and guide me through the whole thing. It was incredible to see Him work right in front of my face time and time again. But I’ll get to that.

I had been feeling really discouraged about the lack of connection I had been making with the girls. I wanted to spend quality time with each of them, to find time to get to know them on a personal level. With all there was to do, it seemed like it couldn’t be done, and I felt like a failure. After the girls were dismissed to their skills classes, I went back to the cabin and started crying. Then I really felt like I should just pray for my girls. I prayed over each bunk in that room and bawled my ever-lovin’ eyeballs out. I felt such a burden for them—I knew that, even though I could try teaching them as much as I could this week, I couldn’t protect them forever. I knew that struggles would come in their future. I wanted to be able to guide and shield them from the oncoming storm of life. And then I realized that that wasn’t my place. So I surrendered it to God. I told Him that I knew I couldn’t protect them and guide them through life’s troubles, but He could.

After my breakdown, I decided to run back to the dorm to get ready for bed before free time and chapel. Feeling a little more encouraged and empowered by God’s touch, I really wanted to tell someone about what had been going on with me and my cabin. I prayed that God would provide someone to share these things with. I walked into the dining hall, visited with people for a couple minutes, came back down, and then ran into the girls’ CA (camp assistant), Alison. She asked me how I was doing, and I said I was alright. Then she asked if she could pray with me, and I told her that would be great. Almost as soon as she started, I started crying. She knew the exact words to pray and the condition of my heart. When she was finished, I told her about everything that was going on with me and my girls: I was worried about connecting with them one-on-one, I had just prayed for each of them, and I felt lost as to how to give them spiritual guidance. She was so encouraging and told me I had been doing a fantastic job. When I went downstairs, I realized that God had just answered another prayer within 5 minutes of it being uttered, and I started crying again! I probably looked ridiculous brushing my and wiping tears from my eyes at the same time, but I couldn’t help it. He didn’t leave me hanging.

I had “lifeguard” duty that night during free time. I wasn’t too excited about going to sit on the beach by myself for an hour, but it turned out to be one of the most refreshing times of my whole week. I sat on a log, stared at the water and the sky, buried my feet in the sand, and scratched the letters of “Reagan <3s>

I had my “mom” Lyn come talk to the girls during our cabin devotions that night. It was great to hear her testimony and way of telling the girls what each of their memory verses meant.

THURSDAY:

Thursday was definitely my favorite theme of the week: Tacky Day. I rocked a blue dress with a floral shirt, a bright beaded necklace, polk-a-dot rain boots, and sunglasses. It was also a great day for connecting with each of the girls – I was a little more lax than usual and made sure to talk to almost all of them about where they were spiritually. I talked to one girl who believed in God and Jesus Christ but who had never asked Him to live in her heart, so I told her I woul be happy to pray with her whenever she wanted. I thought she had forgotten about it after awhile, but she came up to me later to say that she and one of the other girls (to whom I had also talked) would like to pray with me later that night. I was ecstatic.

I had promised them all week that we would make s’mores as a cabin, so for “cabin time” I grabbed the supplies from the pantry, started a fire in the stove, and let them go crazy. It was a blast. They also won both of their Quiz Quest matches that afternoon, so that was a plus as well.

It’s a camp tradition to have a bonfire on the beach the last night of camp, so after chapel everyone headed down to the waterfront, sang worship songs, and listen to Jon-Michael share the gospel. At our cabin devotions that night, I asked the girls what they thought about what was said. Naturally, they had a lot of questions that I can’t really remember now, but that wasn’t as important as what happened a little later. Two of my girls became Christians that night. We clapped and cheered like the angels in heaven. (One girl then asked us to quiet down because she had ‘sensitive ears,’ and I very nicely told her to get over it because this was more important.) I wanted to find the Bible passage that talked about the angels in heaven rejoicing each time a sinner repents, and after I found it, the girls asked me to read some more. We stayed up awhile later reading the story of the prodigal son and the one where Jesus healed the paralytic. The girls ate it up. I loved seeing the eagerness in their faces. Where does that joy over the Word go as you get older?

FRIDAY:

The last day of camp had finally come. I was in charge up hooking kids up to the sky trolley (zipline) that morning during free time, and I had a blast talking to the other campers who weren’t in my cabin. Very few of them were ready to head back home. Several of them were scared to death of being 50 feet off the ground, and it felt awesome to encourage them to the point where they finally took that leap of faith. I only almost fell off the platform once. Good times.

I had the chance to give each of them a Bible before they were all packed up. The girls absolutely loved them, and two of them asked me to sign theirs. A few of them just sat on a bunk, flipping through them and reading verses here and there. Their zeal for the Word will never cease to amaze and inspire me.

It was hard to see those girls go. I didn’t think I would be too sad to see that tractor pull away with all of them on the trailer in the back, but of course, after all the hugs, waves, and goodbyes, I started crying. (It didn’t go unnoticed. Just before they were out of earshot, I heard one of them yell, ‘Reagan’s crying!’) It got worse as I did the final cabin cleanup. What now? What would the new believers’ families think? Would they read their Bibles? Would they make good choices when they got older? Would their love for growing in the knowledge of God continue? Once again, I had to remember that I wasn’t put in charge of their future. God would protect them.

That night, all the counselors from that week and those on work staff gathered together to discuss our respective “highs” and “lows” of the week. It was a great time for “soul-grabbing” and being authentic with everyone, which is right up my alley. I shared about how God had been faithful to answer my prayers that week and the ways He had taught me that I could not handle everything on my own. Others had similar testimonies. After everyone had shared, we prayed together. It was such a powerful experience to hear the things the Lord had laid on people’s hearts.

SATURDAY:

Jon-Michael talked the night before about how counselors take off their “counselor clothes” when the camp week is over – and then go crazy. Saturday was the culmination of the madness. We all went into “camper” mode yesterday, which was pretty funny. It was definitely a good day to practice our “silly skits”, which we will be performing this Tuesday night. One of them is called “Echo Ranch Idol,” in which I will be playing the part of Susan Boyle. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, look it up on YouTube.) I’m pretty excited about it.

While having free time was wonderful, I was feeling a little bummed about being “useless” – without real responsibility or accountability to anyone. I also felt very distinctly that I hadn’t really grown in my relationships with the other counselors, so I prayed that I would be able to connect with them. When God answers prayer, He answers prayer. It was awesome. Everyone gathered in the dining hall that night to play games, eat corn dogs and pretzels, and just hang out. I sat and talked about God, the Bible, and personal/spiritual weaknesses with four other counselors that night. I don’t remember any other time in my life where I had truly experienced such fellowship with other believers. We weren’t being forced into a Bible study; no one had told us to go talk about Jesus in a small group with our list of required questions; we were just being real with each other. I don’t know what could be better than that.

SUNDAY:

This morning I got to help lead worship in chapel, and tonight we’re heading into town to attend an Everyday Sunday concert, go to Fred Meyer (the local Wal-Mart), and make a zillion phone calls. Should be a great break from living in the middle of nowhere.

I received a letter from Ashley, a CD from Josh, and another letter from Nina this week. They were great – thank you! And keep sending them!

I have learned and grown so much this week. Among many other things, I have become entirely convinced that God is faithful to complete the work He has started in and through us. When you pray, He will answer you one way or another. And when He answers, talk about it! This is how we bring glory to His Name. I have loved being able to share answers to prayer with others over the past few days, and I don’t want to stop. I hope this has encouraged you to do the same.